Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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