You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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