im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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