He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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