i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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