My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You pole danced in your parka.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
