Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i believe in u and ur pee
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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