Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
