I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
