jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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