if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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