We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
