my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The air was thick with penises
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
