I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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