yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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