Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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