I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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