I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
