girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
