I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm always down for nudity.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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