So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
