I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize