I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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