My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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