i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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