woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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