I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
