just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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