He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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