someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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