Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
