that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
