ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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