Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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