I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
