D3 body, D1 cock
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I love you. Go after that dick
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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