Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
