Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
