I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
