It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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