She is in my trunk
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
