I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
