Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
