You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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