Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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