This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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