Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
