I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This is not my ceiling
This girl is more easily done than said...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
