so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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