I think I won the penis lottery.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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