I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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