She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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