Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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