forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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