Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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