I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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