I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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