he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
