So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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