im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
