If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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