we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
